Whether you’re on the course or at the 19th hole, everyone appreciates a good joke. Golfers like to laugh and share stories, so why not add humor to the mix?
The best golf jokes can instantly take your conversations from mundane to entertaining — all it takes is one well-placed quip!
From puns about putts to playfully ribbing relatives, these jokes will keep everyone laughing until their cheeks hurt.
It’s time to shake things up with laughter as we explore the best golf jokes!
Newbie Golf Jokes
- What did the golfer say when he shanked a shot? “Fore!”
- Why did the chicken go golfing? To get a hole-in-one!
- What do you get if you cross a golfer with an insect? A birdie-beetle!
- What did the golf ball ask its dad before going off to play? “Are we par for this course?”
- Why don’t golfers play hide-and-seek anymore? Because nobody was able to find Churchill on the third try!
- Did you hear about the golfer who got struck by lightning during a round of golf and had to be taken away in an ambulance? He’s alright, but his drive really improved after that experience!
- How can you tell which golfer is lying on the green? He’s usually putting!
- Did you hear about the new worm on tour? It spends more time in bunkers than Tiger Woods!
- What do golfers use as currency when playing minigolf? Puttons!
- What did the golfer say when she hit a perfect shot? “That was par for the course!”
- Why don’t golfers play hide-and-seek anymore? Because nobody can find Tiger Woods on the third try!
- Why do golfers always wear hats while playing? To keep their brains from getting sunburned!
- What’s a golfer’s favorite type of currency? Putts, of course!
- Did you hear about the new kind of club that golfers use now to help them make birdies more often? It’s called a “miracle wedge.”
- How do you know if a golfer is lying on the green? He has his feet up, and he’s putting!
- Did you hear about the new ball that golfers use to get out of sand traps quickly and easily? It’s called an “escape bunker ball”!
- What did the golfer say when he finally got out of the sand trap after two shots? “That was par for the course!”
- Why don’t golfers ever play hide-and-seek? Nobody can find Tiger Woods on the third try!
Hilarious Fairway One-Liners
- “I started out with nothing… and I still have most of it left!”
- “It’s amazing how a four-foot putt can look like an impossible mission!”
- “Golf… the good walk spoiled!”
- “Golf is just an expensive way to play marbles!”
- “Every time I think I’m playing badly, my caddie tells me it could be worse… so I miss the next one intentionally!”
- “My golf score looks like an EKG!”
- “How do you make a small fortune in golf? Start with a large one!”
- “You know you have a bad day when even your gimmes don’t go in.”
- “The only difference between a sand trap and a water hazard is that in one you take your shoes off before going in.”
- “Why did the golfer carry two pairs of pants? Just in case he got a hole in one!”
- “I’m so bad at golf. I once bought a sleeve of balls… and then lost all three!”
- “If your best shots are the practice swings, you might be playing golf!”
- “Golf isn’t an easy game to play… but it’s easier than working!”
- “I’m hitting so badly that my caddie suggested we start measuring in furlongs instead of yards!”
- “Golf is like any other sport — the more I practice, the luckier I get!”
- “How can you tell when your partner has been slicing his drives? His divots have rough edges.”
- “What did the golfer say after sinking an eight-foot putt? That was just luck… I got away with one there!”
- “Why don’t good players make great caddies? Because they’re too busy counting their own strokes!”
- “Why did the golfer bring a screwdriver onto the course? He was looking for his lost ball in the rough!”
Putt Making Puns
- What did the golfer say when he made his first putt? “I’d like to thank my putting iron!”
- Why didn’t the golfer get a hole-in-one? Because she couldn’t find her putter!
- Where does a golf ball go after it makes its putt? The 19th hole!
- What do you call an alligator that’s good at making putts? A Gatorade pro!
- How can you tell if someone is an excellent putter? Just look at their stroke average!
- What type of hair do golfers use for their putting technique? A brush cut!
- How do golfers make sure they don’t miss their shot when putting? They practice “putting with patience”!
- Where does a golfer take his biggest risk on the green? On the Putting Line!
- Why was the golfer so surprised by his chip shots and putts that kept going in? He didn’t know he had a magic wand in his bag!
- What did one wall say to the other when a putt went in? “That was really hole-some!”
- What did the golfer say after sinking a tricky putt? “Looks like I read the green right!”
- Why did the golfer get upset after missing his putt? He was “putted off”!
- What did the golf ball say to its friends before putting? “I’ll see you in the cup!”
- How do golfers practice their putting technique? By doing a lot of hole drills!
- Where can you find really good putters late at night? At the 19th-hole bar!
- When does a golfer make sure he takes his time with putting? When attempting an “Eagle Putt”!
- What is a golfer’s favorite type of dance move when putting? The Putter Shuffle!
- How did the golfer thank his lucky stars for making that tricky putt? With a Hole-In-One prayer!
- Why should you never give up on your putts, even if they look like they will miss them? Because sometimes it just takes “A Miracle Putt”!
- Why do some golfers take so long to make their shots on the green? Because they’re trying to read.
Golfer Vs. Caddie Jokes
- Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddie: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer than you used to.”
- Golfer: “That can’t be my ball; it’s too old.” Caddie: “It has been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
- Golfer: “Well caddie, what do you think of my game?” Caddie: “Reminds me of a man walking down a dark alley with a bag on his shoulder.” Golfer: “Why?” Caddie: “There are plenty of chances for improvement!”
- Golfer to caddie: “How do I stand?” Caddie: ” You would be better off sitting!”
- Golfer says: “I’d give anything to sink this putt.” The caddie answers, “Try backing away from it.”
- A golfer asked his caddie how far he had hit the last shot, and the reply came back, “About an hour and fifteen minutes.”
- A golfer turns to his caddie and asks, “Will we make it across that water hazard?” The caddie replies, “With the way you drive? We’ll get wet!”
- Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too new.” Caddie: “Maybe you should have kept the box it came in!”
- Golfer: “You lined me up wrong for this shot, caddie!” Caddie: “I did? Well, at least that’ll make the search easier!”
- Golfer to caddie: “Where do you think I should hit the ball on this hole?” Caddie: “Anywhere but here!”
- A golfer turns and asks his caddie, “Do I need an umbrella?” The caddie responds, “No sir, unless you plan to walk somewhere.”
- Golfer says: “Caddie, what club should I use?” The caddie replies: “It doesn’t matter — You won’t hit it anyway.”
- Golfer says: “What is a birdy?” The caddie replies, “At your level of play, two shots under par would be called a chicken.”
- Golfer: “Do you think this is a tough hole?” Caddie: “It’s not too bad if you can hit the ball straight and far!”
- Golfer: “That bunker looks huge!” Caddie: “You should have seen it when I was in it!”
- Golfer: “Caddie, why didn’t you tell me to hit over that water hazard?” Caddie: “Because your range doesn’t cover that distance.”
- Golfer: “Caddie, why did you tell me to hit the ball in that direction?” Caddie: “Because I thought it was a better chance of getting closer to the hole than your last shot.”
- Golfer: “I don’t understand this course very well.” Caddie replies: “Don’t worry sir, none of us do!”
- Golfer says: “That bunker looks impossible!” The caddie answers, “Well, it doesn’t look any easier from inside!”
- Golfer asks his caddie if he can see the green over the hill, and his caddie responds, “Not unless you take me up there with you.”
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We hope you enjoyed our roundup of golf jokes!
These are just a few ways to lighten up the mood on the course and keep things fun for everyone.
Whether you need a few good one-liners to break the ice between you and your playing partners or some puns to get a laugh out of your caddie, these golf jokes will surely bring some smiles your way! So next time you hit the links, remember: it’s all about having fun!
And if you’re looking for more golfing resources, follow our blog at High Golf Handicap.